corvi (corivax) wrote,

  • Mood:
So today, with help from xmurf, I rode a bike for the first time. Hand-me-down bike from gfish, complete with sticker. I even learned the following:

  • Do not ride over mud.
  • Do not ride over xmurf.
  • Do not ride over your own foot.
  • Do not hold the handlebars in a deathgrip. Bikes do not need to be subdued via the Vulcan neck pinch before they'll let you ride.
  • If you do hold the handlebars in a deathgrip, wear gloves. But if you wear bright-f'ing-yellow and black gloves, horny yellowjackets will follow you.
  • Bikes go faster than yellowjackets. This is useful.
  • Bikes go faster than trees. This is unfortunate, because the trees won't get out of the passing lane.
  • Drunk-elephant-with-a-trunk-full-of-grasshoppers-steering - great for making pedestrians jump off the sidewalk in fear.
  • Constructive palisade waveform interference - just like riding through a fence, but you end up on the side you started at! Makes a really neat ringing note, too. (Destructive palisade waveform intereference (phasing through a fence) has got to be much easier, right? I mean, it take real talent to match all your waveforms to the fence's. I'm just a natural.)
  • I have learned that the cosmic vibration does not, as previously advertised, sound like 'OM' or 'AUM'. It sounds like 'AIE!'
Bill Watterson's Calvin and killer bike. If you don't recognize this, you certainly should!
I'm going to try to ride every day this week with either gfish or xmurf. I'd like to be able to replace some or most of my bus usage with biking, and my longterm goal is to be competent enough that I won't feel too embarrassed to ask randomdreams, bike demon incarnate, if I can tag along with him on a nice, easy, slow ride when he's here again in October.

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